The Seattle Summer sun was shining, though as it sometimes is for my days, my morning felt a bit foggy. This week seemed to whirl by me, with lots of confusion: starting with the loss of my phone for since last Thursday up until this Friday, I was back to feeling completely out of communication with the world and most especially I felt the distance from my roots of "home".
Once again, I have left my roots to be in another space in time. Now more than ever I am slowing down to appreciate my current existence, no matter the time nor location within which I stay in that space, I strive to maintain a moment focus in all the activities of my awake and sleep states. Cherishing the sunrise, with the loved ones whom i explore the light of the day, the sunset, with the loved ones who will walk along side or sometimes from ahead guiding the light through the darkness of the night breaking through to daylight (I think I heard lyrics like this from a Coldplay song).
It has now been a month since I've returned to Seattle: back to wandering and exploring this incredible city. I have been remembering the past every day as the future comes into present. The five months of March through July were spent reestablishing "home." The time I was in Phoenix seemed to also whirl by: mostly because I was constantly on the go, sometimes riding here and there on my Raleigh Robinhood [which kinda looks like this
Thanks to homepage.ntlworld.com I couldn't find any pic's with me on my bike!] I was active in being inspired by the creativity that was all around me through the continual production of each of my loved one's current life's art. Working on the ever continual project which I have now come to visibly able to share with my confidants and now the interwebs in the infancy stage of development.
I have been working on lots of projects throughout all of my life, never a dull moment or free time to reset. Most especially during this last year, I have been obsessed with the production of my current project and the present artistic creations. I am continuing on my dream of the past few years, enjoying now that these dreams are somehow coming to a present space. It is almost like I am living in my dream land: as if it is the reality in which I live - does this mean my dreams are coming true?
It was quite the wake up call, being back home. My friends and loved ones, how can I even begin to write my thoughts and the experiences of the past few months to express my gratitude for the hospitality for a weary traveler: a bed, hammock, and pool patio furniture to rest my head under the desert sky. For the companionship along a street wander through downtown, a bike ride, or late night car ride with our mixtape dj lady cab driver.
I had missed the feeling of being loved by my "Phoenix Family" which I was embraced once again by my loved ones back in Phoenix. I am blessed by my family of the phoenix arts community who shared the desert as their roots of being raised in the dry and ever intense sun. We are bound, just like the love of my blood family, to each other in our similar upbringings, the environment which encouraged our curiosity to quest and inspired and our creative flow: the passion of their truest soul.
I went home for my 30th birthday, March 9th I arrived, and the next day I awoke to go run on my favorite mountain of the South Mountains for a birthday grounding in the Vortex of Phoenix. Although I knew people typically place so much attention on the birthday factors, I personally made it a quest for myself to place attention on this day because I was prepared for the changes that needed and are currently are in transition from happening currently. What I set out for experience while in Arizona was not anything I could have planned for, so I just went with what I had to share of my past few years experiences, and the honesty of my complete brokenness and desperate need for my family and friends to remind me of my core. Somewhere, somehow, I had lost the remembrance of my roots: that fire within which the bird Phoenix was thrown and from whence it came, rising from the flames, blackend as a reminder of the experience. I somehow lost my personal passion after the first year which I was here, eeing life through different lenses, but so similar to the ones through which I came here looking at my environment with the eyes of a child, innocent, naive, pure, unjaded by the knowledge of my adult self. Now it seems like I am finding this purpose once again but at the same time, I realized that the experiences of the past few years have actually been teaching me lessons to grow and learn from, essential for my next adventures. I understand growing pains now, stretch marks and scars. They all tell the story of our past into present internal growth which shows on the physical appearance. Sometimes I feel like I haven't changed a bit since the girl who was 15, 15 years ago! I am so grateful for my little sister gave me her hand-me-down orange booty shorts and I put these 'cause I wanted the vitamin D to soak up into my as much skin as much as I could have it. I rode my bike from Columbia City up to Cap Hill, through downtown and around the Hemp Fest madness, over to Ballard Farmer's Market, and magically teleported back home.
This was today's mix from earliest songs to the pre going out on a Monday night. I'm trying to get some work done but keep getting distracted by the music all around me. I have to write the musical messages down and maybe share a video or two....
Lauryn Hill-Adam Lives in Theory
Chrisette Michelle -I Am
Erykah Badu- Rimshot
Raheem DeVaughn- The Love Experience
Sly & Robbie - Murder She Wrote
Bob Marley - Natural Mystic
Lauryn Hill - When It Hurts So Bad
I loved real, real hard once, But the love wasn't returned. Found out the man I'd die for, He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man And if you've ever been in love, Then you'd understand
What you want might make you cry What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it, If you don't catch it,
And what you need ironically Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it, If you just let it
See, I thought this feeling It was all that I had
But how could this be love And make me feel so bad?
Gave up my power, I existed for you. But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do?
But I, I loved the young man. And if you've ever been in love you'd understand
When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad
Why's it feel so good?
Mad Cobra- Flex
Michael - Billy Jean
She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene I Said Don't Mind, But What Do You Mean I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do and Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts. Mother Always Told Me Be Careful Of Who You Love and Be Careful Of What You Do 'Cause The Lie Becomes The Truth. So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice. Do think Twice
Anthony Hamilton - do you feel me
Sitting at Vitta tonight for my 8:30 PM cup of joe to wake my mind to creativity and production, I hear these once very influencial pop diva songs of my aspiring
When this album came out - i had a tape and would listen to this in headphones for my lullabyes. talk about early rock "star-child" Sam would call me Starchild when I didn't see myself the way others did, I'm not sure if I even know this starchild inside, but the pieces are starting to make sense as the years go on.
Madonna - Starlight Starlight
It's no wonder that most of the people I spend my time with now are children of the MTV 80's-90's pop culture. Watching Madonna videos was like going to church for our generation's religion. When this video came out, I remember being in a frustrated position from the division of my childhood by not only a divorce, but a loss of the roots in my life which held me to my personal core. I, so to speak, grew up in maturity and lost that innocent glow as young as I can remember. When I was 5 years old, my knowledge of heartache and loss through the transitions of our family, impacted me more than I realize in understanding relationships at an early age. Somehow, the years are reteaching me what it is to have a relationship and who I bring into my life.
Madonna- Like a Prayer
God?
When you call my name, it's like a little Prayer. I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there. In the midnight hour, I can feel your Power.
Just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there
I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing. I have no choice, I hear your voice, feels like Flying. I close my eyes, oh God, I think I'm Falling, out of the sky. I close my eyes, Heaven Help me.
Like a child, you whisper softly to me. You're in control just like a child, now I'm dancing. It's like a dream, no end and no beginning. You're here with me, it's like a dream. Let the choir sing.
Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like Home.
Riding my bike yesterday through the Central District off of 18th I passed Reverend Ricky Willis's congregation singing praise his words, I first stopped to take a picture of this church, then heard the message he was sharing. Thank you Jesus, I have heard the words.
I remember that my mother went to the En Vogue concert and brought me back a t-shirt. I felt slighted, and offended that I was "too young" to go. I think I knew my sensuality at a very young person. This was just another moment in my growth as a girl into a woman.
Madonna- Rescue Me:
Adele -Chasing Pavements
Whoa I've never seen this video until I heard the song and Utubed it - no wonder that I thought of this song recently as I was walking through the streets of Seattle, "hitting the pavement" for yet another attempt of finding that "dream" career.They are dancing in a groove of trees. Hum, this is another white rabbit if you ask me. ;)
When I moved here nearly 3 years ago in September, I came with my newly acquired paper of degree, a year of exploration of the globe, and years of exploration of my mind, body heart and soul. In search of a new place to lay my head at first, and hopefully my roots through the newly acquired professional life. I told myself I didn't want to be in a relationship, that I wanted to focus on my career, on finding that perfect position in the nonprofit sector. I put off developing the relationships with loved ones for the past 3 years. Because of the time being back with those who know me truest, I have a refreshed understanding of what my focus is at this time in my life.
I keep to my silly girl roots, with a wealth of experience and understanding brought by the loved ones, heartache and the renewal of life through the loss of these loved ones turned into an experience to appreciate. Gotta keep it simple and have fun with my life while I'm living it.
A Tribe Called Quest - Bonita Applebum
Erykah Badu - On & ON
Musiq Soulchild - Who Knows
Salt n Peppa-
It's time to go out atain with the roommie - here's another for the diva anthems.
Heading out into the Seattle Supersonic Spaceplayground!
Remembering that I gotta keep my head up, 15 years later in life, still feeling age 15 and reminded by these early roots of hip hop.
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